Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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