the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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