I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
