Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
