ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
4 words: hood of his car
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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