turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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