considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
as a side note pls kill me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
