We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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