Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize