Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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