this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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