Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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