The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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