I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
