: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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