ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
