One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize