i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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