remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize