so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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