just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
