OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
