can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
