false alarm. still invincible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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