if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
