My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
