If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
