well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
