I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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