am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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