I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
