happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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