Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
