u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
