I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
