I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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