at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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