...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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