WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
