oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
