if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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