So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
God, I missed his penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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