there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
