I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
