Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
