Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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