How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
