sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
