if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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