.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
