I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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