Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
