She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
