that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
