I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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