did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
