You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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