he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
