he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
