I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
