The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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