my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
