I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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