i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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