You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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