What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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