We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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