sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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