Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
