I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
