Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
